Saturday, September 15, 2012

On being a coach's wife

I write a post like this every year around this time. I guess it's because when the football season rolls around I find myself with a lot of extra time to sit and think :)

Having a husband who coaches college football for a living is weird. In some ways, it's very similar to any other job, but then again, it's like nothing else.  

For example: Paul works 13 hours a day on average during the season. I can think of a lot of jobs where people work 13 hour shifts. The difference is, Paul works 13 hours a day, 7 days a week, from the first week in August until December or January. Not to mention the 6 road games he travels to where he is gone for 2-3 nights per game. He doesn't get to take a day off for anything, no matter how important it is. Weddings-nope. Holidays-nope. Family Reunions-nope. I don't even want to think of what would happen if I went into labor on a game day.

And heaven forbid we lose a game. Losing=cranky hubby.

I saw this on pinterest and and thought it was so funny AND true!

The hard part about it is trying to explain this crazy schedule to other people. So many people just don't understand what the big deal is over some stupid game. I mean lets face it, lives aren't at stake here. 
It's a game.

I don't expect people to understand it. Heck, I don't understand it sometimes and it's my life! But the fact that people don't get it can make it very isolating and lonely. Which is why I'm so thankful for the friendships I've made with other coaches wives. These women are the only other people who truly know what life is like in the world of football. Plus, they're always there to listen (and join in) when I need to complain.

Yes, we have to turn down invitations to events we wish we could be at.
Yes, I eat dinner by myself every night of the week.
Yes, I cried when my husband left town on Thursday for the second time in less than a week (can I blame that on pregnancy hormones?)


There are so many wonderful things about being married to a football coach.

Paul loves his job.
He gets to mentor young men and help them develop the qualities that will make them successful adults.

After every game, no matter if we win or lose, the slate is wiped clean and there is another game to look forward to the following week. Game days are the best!

Football, just like life, is full of seasons. And just when I think I can't stand a particular season any longer, the next one is right around the corner.

And the best part? It keeps me on my toes. I can actually say that I like not knowing what our life will look like 1, 2, 10 years from now. It's fun to imagine all of the possibilities!

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's not perfect, but it's my life and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

*I can't end this blog post without saying how thankful I am to the men and women in our armed forces and their families. Every time I complain about how much Paul works, I'm reminded of those who go months/years without seeing their loved ones and the constant worry they face-all for our freedom. I am forever grateful!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Kitty,

    I'm the girlfriend of a university football coach. He wants to be an NFL coach someday, but right now he's enjoying a MWC ring and trying to move up the ranks.

    One reason I fell in love with him is because he has such a big dream, to coach NFL. The reason big dreams were so important to me is because I have a big dream myself, to be a Hollywood production designer working on feature films. I want to work with Warner Brothers someday.

    Anyway, it's been two years and we've talked together about getting married. And I am more that thrilled, he's my best friend and I wouldn't want to marry anyone else.

    But here's my problem...

    I don't know how we're going to work it out with both our careers. Coaching for him during the season is crazy as you know and in the spring it's still crazy with planning out for next season. He can't move his schedule around. I've learned that real quick.

    Film for me is crazy when you get a job. Jobs come and go as people refer you to others or people you know get jobs and ask you to hop on the project. I could be working for six months and be gone in Iceland filming the Lord of the Rings or be in Utah for a month filming Forrest Gump. Either way, I have to be in Los Angeles in order to get jobs, it's how you build your network of friends who respect your work and will bring you in on jobs.

    I know my Coach would try everything he could to be somewhere near LA, but coaches move around so much from what I've seen and heard about. How would we be able to be together?

    I've been thinking about it a lot lately because I'm graduating college and so is he. We both will be on the job hunt, he's farther ahead than I am and will have a job either in San Diego, CA or all the way in Georgia (based on coaching connections so far) and I have to move to Los Angeles, CA in order to find work. I can have a house or apartment in Los Angeles and when I get work you go with the crew and stay in a hotel or rent for the time you're there. Usually that is paid by the film project not out of your own pocket.

    Basically, do you have any advice on how to make this work? I've been thinking about options and I don't know what to do. I don't want to stress out my Coach because I know he doesn't know what to do either. I've been thinking about giving up my career and opening a movie theater instead of pursuing to make movies. Or just be a stay at home mom and write movie scripts to hopefully sell. I don't want to do that because I don't want to wake up years later regretting never trying. I know my Coach would feel terrible if I gave up my dream. That's one reason he loves me too, and knowing him he would feel guilty if I gave up my dream so he could have his. And someday we want a family. We can't do that with our careers and I know neither of us want to have kids that are raised by a nanny.

    I just don't know how to balance two careers that require so much time from our lives? How will we ever get to see each other? If you have any advice that would be great. I don't want to ask the coaches' wives of my Coach's team because I don't want anything of my worries to get back to my Coach's bosses.

    I don't know what to do. I'm still getting used to the not seeing him now. I'm usually very okay with it but then I get some of those weeks where I cry my eyes out. I don't know what to do and no one understands except my Coach, but I don't want to stress him out.